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Fade in, not at Toad’s Battle Arena, but inside an official of sorts. Toad and Toadette are sitting in chairs in front of a desk. Sitting behind the desk is Smashmatt, head of the Character Battles.
Smashmatt: “So tell me again, guys, what seems to be the problem?”
Toad: “Well…”
Toadette: “I’ll tell you what the problem is! Toad isn’t respecting me as a hostess! I demand you hire a new host for me!”
Smashmatt: “ARE YOU CRAZY?! We can’t get rid of Toad! This is TOAD’s Castle, after all!”
Toad: “Exactly! Besides, Toadette’s to one acting all selfish!”
Smashmatt: “Well, I’m not sure how to solve this problem, guys.”
Toadette: “Just fire him! I want a new, more friendly host that won’t go cheating on me!”
Toad: “I told you there’s nothing between me and…”
Smashmatt: “Whoa, whoa, whoa there! I don’t want to hear about your love lives! How’s this sound. Toad will fight for his right to stay a host! Toadette will get a chance to see what it’s like having a different host, and it will improve ratings!”
Toadette: “Sounds good to me!”
Toad: “What!? What if I lose?”
Toadette: “It would be an improvement!”
Smashmatt: “Don’t worry, Toad! You’re an excellent fighter! I’m sure you’ll do fine! And if you don’t, you can still be the site’s mascot!”
Toad: *sigh* “Okay.”
Smashmatt: “Then it’s agreed! Oh, and don’t worry about a new host and an opponent! I have that all figured out!”
Toad and Toadette: “Okay.”
Later that week, we now come to Toad’s Battle Arena. It’s a full house, the crowd abuzz with tonight’s match!
Koopa: “I heard that if Toad loses this match, he has to quit being the announcer! And he just started, too!”
Hammer Bro: “That’s nothing! I heard that one of General Guy’s toughest soldiers is going to fight in this match! Toad might have it cut out for him!”
Blooper: “Oh, yeah! Well, I heard that one of Tatanga’s eyes is off center, because it’s trying to escape!”
Koopa: “Wow, that’s some rumor…”
Meanwhile, on the other side of the stadium, Tatanga is pressing against one of his eyes.
Tatanga: “No! I told you, I need you to see this fight!”
Toadette: “Welcome to another Character Battle, everyone!”
Crowd: *cheers*
Toadette: “As some of you might have already known, your former host, Toad, will be fighting in this next match. If he loses, he will not host anymore character battles, anymore!”
Crowd: *gasps*
Toadette: “What? You better off with me! And if that’s not enough, I have a new host with me! Come on out, Kooper!”
A Koopa with a blue shell and a red bandana walks over to the commentator’s booth and sits down.
Kooper: “Hey, everyone! It’s me, Kooper, from Paper Mario, and I’ll be co-hosting this match!”
Toadette: “Yes, we all know who you are, so without farther ado, let’s get this Character Battle started!”
Crowd: *cheers*
Kooper: “Let’s meet our first combatant! In the right corner, one of Princess peach loyal subjects and owner of his own castle-”
Toadette: “-and a complete jerk!”
Kooper: “Here comes the one of numerous, Toad!”
Toad walks out to the stage, looking a bit nervous, as the Toad fanfare from Super Mario 64 plays overhead. The crowd goes wild. With this, Toad gains more confidence and waves to them.
Toadette: “Just look at him! Soaking it all in, that popularity-hog! I hope he loses!”
Kooper: “You can only hope. Our next combatant comes all the way from Shy Guy’s Toy Box! He’s a popular enemy among some.”
Toadette: “I’m one of them!”
Kooper: “Introducing Shy Guy!”
The crowd cheers, but instead of one Shy guy coming out, numerous Shy Guys come out and line up into 2 lines, then faced each other. A Shy guy in a general uniform comes walking in between them towards the stage.
Kooper: “What’s all this?”
Toadette: “It’s General Guy! He’s the leader of Shy Guys!”
Wart: “HEY! I’m the leader of the Shy Guys!”
General Guy: “Silence!”
General Guy throws a bomb at him and blasts him away.
General Guy: “Now, as some of you are aware of, this “Mushroomer” is to be fighting a Shy Guy, mostly for show and a good, just fight. However, under certain circumstances, which will not be mentioned, he is to be fighting one of my elite soldiers! He has been training for this day, and now, is ready to fight!”
Crowd: *cheers*
Kooper: “Wow! This is unexpected!”
Toadette: “I’m just as surprised as you are! (To herself) Even though I’m not!”
General Guy: “Now, come forth, my elite soldier, and make your general proud!”
A Shy Guy walks out onto the stage, but in Green clothes instead of red ones.
General Guy: “Are you ready to fight, soldier?”
Shy Guy: “Sir, yes, sir!”
General Guy: “I can’t hear you!”
Shy Guy: (louder) “SIR, YES, SIR!”
General Guy: “That’s more like it! Now get out there, and show what it means to be a Shy Guy!”
Shy Guy: “YESSIR!”
The crowd cheers. General Guy and his army sit down in some empty sits near the stage.
Kooper: “Well, now that that little situation is done with, let’s begin!”
Crowd: *cheers*
Toadette: (to herself) “Yes, let’s get the fight started, so that Toad will get finished sooner!”
Kooper: “What was that?”
Toadette: “Oh, nothing.”
Kooper: “Well, here comes our own Ref Guy, ready to start the match.”
Ref Guy walks out onto the stage, but stops as he sees Shy Guy.
Ref Guy: “Chuck?”
Shy Guy: “Ref?”
Ref Guy: “Wow! Hey, buddy!”
They run to each other and hug.
Shy Guy: “What are you doing here?”
Ref Guy: “I’m the referee!”
Shy Guy: “No way!”
Ref Guy: “Yeah!”
Shy Guy: “Cool!”
Ref Guy: “well, what are you doing here?”
Shy Guy: “I’m fighting!”
Ref Guy: “Seriously?”
Shy Guy: “Yeah!”
Ref Guy: “No way! Well, good luck to you!”
Toad: “HEY!”
Toad stares awkwardly at them. The two guys stop hugging.
Ref Guy: “oh, of course, good luck to you, too, but you know, this is family!”
Toad: “Yeah, whatever.”
Ref Guy: “I know, I’m a referee, and I’m not supposed to pick sides, but you can understand.”
Toad: “Whatever, let’s just get this started!”
Ref Guy: “Okay, okay, sheesh. Now I’m sure you guys know the rules.”
Toad: “Yup.”
Shy Guy: “Yes.”
Ref Guy: “Okay, then, FIGHT!”
Shy Guy: “SHY RAM!”
Toad: “Ow!
Toadette: “Ha! Looks like Toad wasn’t ready for that attack!”
Kooper: “Yeah, he got knocked back quite a few inches. But he’s getting up…”
Shy Guy: “Acrobatic Attack!”
Toad: “UGH!”
Crowd: *applause*
Toadette: “What a spectacular display!”
Kooper: “Yeah, and Toad’s taken a lot of damage! He’s on the ropes!”
General Guy: “Ha ha ha! This fight has already been won!”
Shy Guy: “Now for my finishing move! SHY SLAM!”
Toadette: “Here it comes! Toad’s finished!”
Toad: “Whoa!”
Shy Guy: “Uff.”
Kooper: “Wow! Toad, using his mad speed, just barely managed to run out of the way!”
Shy Guy: “Grr! Shy Slam!”
Toad: “Yah!”
Kooper: “Shy Guy keeps coming and Toad keeps dodging! This can’t last forever!”
Toadette: “It won’t! Toad’s been locked in a corner! There’s no escape this time!”
Shy Guy: “Ha ha! I got you now! YAH!”
Toadette: “Now Shy Guy’s charging at Toad! It’s all over!”
Crowd: *gasps*
Toad: “…SQUEAKY HAMMER ATTACK!”
SQUEAK!
Shy Guy: “…”
General Guy: “What the…?!”
Toadette: “You’ve taken the words right out of my mouth!”
Kooper: “It seems that… Toad used his squeaky hammer and hit Shy Guy squarely on the mask. And Shy Guy stopped in his tracks!”
Ref Guy: “Of course. The Face is our weakest point. That’s why we wear masks.”
General Guy: “TRAITOR!”
Smashmatt and Eric watch through TV screen at their special office.
Smashmatt: “Not a bad move, eh Eric?”
Eric: “Hmmm…”
Back at match…
Toad: “Awesome! Now for some Toad action! Toad Punch!”
Shy Guy: “Ugh!”
Kooper: “Toad hits Shy Guy with a punch! And Shy guy can’t seem to react as quickly!”
Toad: “Toad Kick!”
Shy Guy: “NO!”
Kooper: “No he hits him with a kick!”
Toadette: “Hey, I wanted to speak that time.”
Kooper: “Oh, sorry. You go ahead.”
Toadette: “…Huh?”
Toad: “Now for my finisher! This will be De Jai Vu all over again!”
Shy Guy: “What… NO!
Kooper: “…”
Toadette: “Aren’t you going to say anything?”
Kooper: “Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you were going to say something. Allow me.”
Toadette: “What…?”
Kooper: “Toad pulls off a classic move of his! He hopes up on Shy Guy and picks him up! Just like in Super Mario Bros. 2!”
Toad: “Now your at my mercy! But don’t worry; I’m the non-aggressive type. So here!”
Shy Guy: “AHHH!”
Kooper: “Now-”
Toadette: “Hey, it was my turn!”
Kooper: “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize! Go right ahead.”
Toadette: “…You know what? Forget it. You go on.”
Kooper: “Oh, uh, okay. Now Toad has thrown Shy Guy out of the ring! That means Shy Guy’s automatically disqualified!”
Ref Guy: “Loss by ring-out! Toad wins!”
Crowd: *cheers loudly*
General Guy: “NO! Impossible! The Shy Guy Army does not tolerate failure! That’s kitchen duty for a month, soldier!”
Shy Guy: “Aww.”
Kooper: “Well, it looks like Toad won the battle, meaning he gets to continue being co-host for the Character Battles! Great news, eh, Toadette?”
Toadette: “Huh? Oh, yeah. Great.”
Back in Toad’s Castle office…
Smashmatt: “Yeah! Toad won! Thank goodness.”
Eric: “I had a feeling he would.”
Back at the arena, the crowd begins to chant Toad repeatedly. Boo Diddy, the Music manager joins Ref Guy and a few other fans in congratulating Toad on his victory! Then, there’s a huge celebration, with cake and part stuff, and everyone’s having fun, until…
Toadette: “Toad, can I have a word with you?”
Toad: “Uh, sure.”
Toad and Toadette walk over to an unoccupied room. Toadette turns to Toad.
Toadette: “Look, Toad, I just wanted to say… congratulations on your victory.”
Toad: “What? I thought you wanted me to lose.”
Toadette: “Well, me too. But then I realized… I need you.”
Toad: “…What?”
Toadette: “I mean, that Kooper’s just too mellow! I need someone who pushes back a little! Someone like you!”
Toad: “Uhh…”
Toadette: “Look, I’m just glad your back, okay?”
Toad: “Yeah, okay. I’m glad to be back…”
Toadette: “EWW!”
Toad: “What?”
Toadette points at an eyeball that just rolled along the floor.
Tatanga: “Sorry, that’s mine.”
Tatanga walks over, picks up the eyeball, wipes it clean, the pops it back into his socket. He re-joins the party, shortly followed by Toad and Toadette, hand-in-hand, and they partied all night long!
That’s it for now! Tune in next time for another great character battle, where General Guy isn’t too pleased with the matches results…
