Luigi vs. Donkey Kong

Donkey Kong
Luigi: Mario’s younger brother has always secretly been one of the best
fighters ever known. Now he will get to show off his stuff to everyone!
Donkey Kong: Mario’s old rival now faces off against his brother! Donkey
Kong has the brawn to take Luigi on!

Fade into Toad’s Castle Arena with Toad and Toadette sitting at their usual announcing places. The Crowd is cheering.

Toad: “Welcome, everyone, to another edition of Toad’s Castle Character Battles!”

Crowd: *cheers*

Toad: “I’m your host with the most, Toad!”

Toadette: “And I’m Toadette, who will hopefully get more respect around here!”

Toad: “Yeah, sure.”

Toadette: “What’s that suppose to mean?”

Toad: “Nothing, nothing. Anyway, let’s bring out our fighters!”

Crowd: *cheers*

Toad: “In the left corner, an ape that goes as far back as Mario himself! Give it up for Donkey Kong!”

The Donkey Kong theme plays as DK jumps up onto the stage, beats his chest, and makes that gorilla noise he always makes.

DK: “Oh, yeah, DK’s ready to play!”

Goomba: *in crowd* “Hey, I thought Donkey Kong couldn’t talk?”

Diddy Kong: *right next to him* “Nah, that’s just what he wants everyone to think! It makes him seem more monkey-like. Oo oo, ee ee!”

Toadette: “And in the right corner, a man who needs no introduction!”

Silence; the crowd begins to murmur.

Toadette: *whispers* “That’s your cue, Luigi!”

Luigi: *unseen* “WHAT?!? NO WAY! I at-a least deserve a proper introduction!”

Toadette: *sigh* “Okay. Here’s Mario’s brother, the lean, green, fighting machine, Luigi.”

Crowd: *applause*

Luigi doesn’t show up, again. The Crowd begins to murmur, again.

Toadette: “What now?”

Luigi: “Where’s-a my theme music?”

Toad and Toadette: “THEME MUSIC?!?”

Luigi: “Yeah, I-a think I-a deserve some theme music!”

Toadette: “Oh, come on!”


Toad: “Okay, okay! *Talks into speaker on stand* Hey, Boo Diddy, give Luigi some proper theme music.”

Up beyond the stands, in a small room, a Boo with headphones surrounded by audio equipment and records sits in a chair and replies to Toad.

Boo Diddy: “You got it! Let’s see… a good Luigi theme…”

Boo Diddy looks through records of music from Super Mario Bros., to Mario is Missing, to Luigi’s Mansion, until he comes across a Mario Party record.

Boo Diddy: “This should due!”

Boo Diddy puts the record in the player, and out on the stage, Luigi’s Engine Room music from Mario Party plays. At that time, Luigi hops out onto the stage, showing off his amazing jumping skills.

Luigi: “Now that’s-a more like it!”

Toad: “Finally! Now let’s get this fight started!”

Crowd: “YAAAAAAY!”

Toadette: “Here comes our referee, Ref Guy.”

Ref Guy walks out on to the stage.

Ref Guy: “Man, I hope I get a bigger role then this during the next battle.”

Ref Guy walks into the center of the stage, while Luigi and Donkey Kong walk up to him.

Ref Guy: “Okay guys, you know the rules. If you fall of the stage, get knocked down for 10 counts, or give up, you lose.”

Luigi: “Yup!”

DK: “Got it!”

Ref Guy: “Very well, then. FIGHT!”

Luigi: “Green Missile!”

DK: “UFH!”

Toad: “Things start off quickly when Luigi uses his Green Missile attack to knock Donkey Kong clear across the stage!”

DK: “Take this! DK slap!”

Luigi: “OWOWOWOW!”

Toadette: “But now Donkey Kong fought back with a huge slap! Luigi looks pretty beat, and after one hit, too!”


Toad: “Now Luigi uses his green fireballs to burn up DK, but DK isn’t having too much trouble dodging them!”

DK: “Come on, is that all you got?”

Luigi: “Not-a even close! SUPER LUIGI JUMP!”

DK: “Ugh!”

Toadette: “That did something! DK took a direct hit from Luigi’s Super Jump!”

DK: “Taste my Coconut Gun!”

Toad: “Now DK is taking out a giant gun and shooting out several coconuts at Luigi!”

Luigi: “Okay!”

Toadette: “Wait! Now Luigi is taking out his Poltergust 3000 and sucked up each of the coconuts!

Toad: “Wow, pretty exciting match, don’t you think Toadette?”

Toadette: “Be quiet! I don’t want to have to miss this match, too, because of you!”

Toad: “Because of me? I’m sorry; because of ME?”

Ref Guy: “Oh, boy, not this again.”

DK: “Hey, Luigi!”

Luigi: “Yeah?”

DK: “Just wanted to let you know, it’s been an honor fighting you.”

Luigi: *blushes* “R-really?”

DK: “Yeah! …It’s been an honor kicking your BUTT! DK EARTHQUAKE!”

Toad: “Shut up!”

Toadette: “What did you-?”

Toad: “SHHH! Something exacting is happening! YES! DK is using his giant hands to slam against the ground and causing an earthquake! It’s also making Luigi unsteady!”

Luigi: “Whao-ao!”

DK: “HA! I got you now! DK PUNCH!”

Toad: “Now DK is closing in on Luigi! This could be it!”

Toadette: “Hey, it was my-!”

Toad: “Not now! You said you didn’t want to miss the end, swell here it is!”





Toad: “WOW!!! WHAT A FINISH! Luigi electrocuted DK with his Thunderhand technique, then knocked him out of the ring with his Green Missile!”

Ref Guy: “Donkey Kong has been knocked out of the ring! Luigi wins!”

Crowd: *cheers*

Toad: “Wow, what an awesome fight, don’t you think, To-”

Toadette: “That’s it! You’ve been very rude to me ever since we’ve been hosting! I’m taking my complaints to eam and Smashmatt, themselves!”

Toad: “You wouldn’t dare!”

Toadette storms out of the arena in a huff.

Toad: “Toadette, wait!”

Luigi: “Hey, DK, are you okay?”

DK: “Course I am! Did you really think I lost on purpose?”

Luigi: “Uh, yeah?”

DK: “No way! I only lost so you wouldn’t feel so bad when I beat you!”

Luigi: “I’m sure you did…”

DK: “I’m serious! I did!”

Luigi: “Whatever you say…”

Ref Guy: “Well, our two hosts are a bit busy right now, so I guess I’ll say it (thank goodness!). Tune in next time for another exciting character battle!”