Tenacious B Interviews

Post, read, and discuss fan fiction as well as original works.

Tenacious B Interviews

Postby Badyoyo » Sun Jul 17, 2011 4:56 am

This is the topic where I will post interviews made by Tenacious B.

(Just so we get it out of the way. Here is a list of my interview crew.

Michael Tarver
Tikimon (The Two Headed Stone Tiki)
N. Gin
Max The Thwomp)

Here's where CJ Lambert makes his debut and joins Tenacious B.

[spoiler]Micheal Tarver AND CJ LAMBERT interview DRY BONES

By badyoyo and CJ Lambert
Badyoyo, a ghostly looking version , walks up to the stage.

Badyoyo: Hello everyone. I'm Badyoyo, and I have been interviewing characters for some time. ( Though those that you will not see aren't that good).

Micheal Tarver: Hello, it's.....Me, Micheal Tarver. ( An african American Boxer and Professional Wrestler wearing Spandex) and I'm a member of Badyoyo's interview crew.

Badyoyo: So, let's find you someone to interview.

N. Gin: How about me?

Badyoyo: No! You're a member of my staff team too! No one on my staff team is going to be interviewed.

Michael Tarver: I found this guy outside the stadium. He seems pretty cool. I want to interview with him.

???: Yo, what's up?

Badyoyo: Who are you?

(Badyoyo obviously hasn’t looked at the title of this Interview. We see a young man in his late teens with brown hair, glasses, blue eyes, long eyelashes, green and orange sweater vest, black and blue shoes, and long jogging pants. He walks down to the interviewer chair.)

Guy: Heh. I am so glad that I got talked into going to this live show. It is starting to get funny.

N. Gin: Huh?

Michael Tarver: I don't know, he's from Diamond City. And Diamond City is getting popular nowadays.

Badyoyo: Hm, welcome to Badyoyo Studios...

Guy: CJ, CJ Lambert.

Badyoyo: All right, now all we need is an interviewee.

Michael Tarver: How about that Dry Bones up in the audience?

Badyoyo: Ok, Zack Koopa, come on down!

Zack Koopa the Dry Bones walks down.

Michael Tarver: He's a frequent viewer of our show.

Badyoyo: Yeah.

Michael Tarver: CJ, you get the first question.

CJ: So Dry Bones. What makes you different from a Dull Bones?

Zack Koopa: ‘Cause I'm not Dull, duh!

Michael Tarver: Kid, you should've seen that coming.

CJ: Yeah, I guess.

Michael Tarver: What sets you apart from other Dry Bones?

Zack Koopa: ‘Cause I'm one of the only Koopas to survive a battle with Mario.

Michael Tarver: Hm, tell me more.

Zack Koopa: While I was still a Koopa, I was guarding a fortress. Mario came in and attacked me, grabbed me, and threw me and my shell at a switch. I fell in the lava, just barely managing to escape. However, my skin and good bits of my shell burned off. Now I'm here to tell you the tale of Mario.

CJ: Well I know that you are not dull, but WHY aren't you dull? How are Dull Bones and Dry Bones made? How do they become dry and not dull, and vice-versa?

Zack Koopa: Fine, I'll play by your rules. It's all about the Koopa. For instance, if Koops died right now, he would become a Dull Bones. Dull Bones are social outcasts that did nothing with their lives.

Michael Tarver: So what interesting things have you done?

Zack Koopa: I'm Diamond City's Favorite New Generation Radio Announcer. Duh.

CJ Lambert: Oh yeah! The Zack Koopa Show! I love your "Music of the Week" segments.

Zack Koopa: Thanks, man.

CJ: How is it that you don't die when a fat plumber jumps on your head, but you do when said fat plumber is in hammer mode, invincibility mode, and in cape feather mode?

Zack Koopa: Because no matter how fat the plumber is - and I assume you mean the Mario Bros. - our bones are too weak to break, but the hammer smashes the bones to bits. Being invincible means, well, being invincible, and the cape feather damages our joints.

CJ: Not very technical, is it?

Zack Koopa: I'm not the one that made up the physics of the cape feather.

CJ: I never said that you did, but I've been hit with a cape before and it doesn't hurt that much.

Zack Koopa: That may be because you aren't of the undead!

Michael Tarver: So why in the world do you guys sound like Boos in Super Mario Sluggers?

Zack Koopa: Because Boos had a strike against Bowser saying how he wasn't using them enough. So Bowser eventually gave in and gave them extra voices in Super Mario Sluggers as well as their cameos as a power-up and that Boo you get. Then we Dry Bones had a war against the Boos for our appearances.

Michael Tarver: A war? Do tell!

Zack Koopa: It's not much; 70,000 Dry Bones attacked Luigi's Mansion against the 51 Boos. However the Boos won the battle with their ability to teleport and turn invisible.

Michael Tarver: What about your regenerating ability?

Zack Koopa: It wasn't enough. They tossed our bones into the fireplace in the Mansion.

Michael Tarver: How does that help?

Zack Koopa: If you want to destroy us, our bones burn easily. That's why we don't respond when our heads fall into lava.

CJ: How come some of you can throw bones in Super Mario World but others can't?

Zack Koopa: Because some of us have some bones to spare and can throw them without any detrimental effects.

CJ: And I take it that the bones are from deformities you have?

Zack Koopa: Or we just pick up bones of destroyed dead bones to fling at the Mario Bros.

CJ: But what if the Dry Bones aren't destroyed?

Zack Koopa: ... I don't know. I haven't had that happen yet.

(Michael Tarver takes a bone out of Zack Koopa. He falls apart.)

Michael Tarver: There we go, problem solved.

(Zack Koopa puts himself together.)

Michael Tarver: How does that work, anyway?

Zack Koopa: What, the bones thing? Oh, it's standard for an experienced Dry Bones. You see, we Dry Bones have only one vital organ, the brain. If we're smart enough, we can use telekinesis to put ourselves together. If we're not smart enough then we require other Dry Bones to put us together. This only happens to Dull Bones, however.

CJ Lambert: How come in Super Mario Galaxy, Dry Bones aren't bipedal?

Zack Koopa: Because the gravity in the different galaxies affects the bone structure and can make the bones more dense. As a result, they’re too heavy for those Dry Bones to stand on two feet.

CJ Lambert: But what about Mario? It doesn't affect him at all?

Zack Koopa: That is because it only affects bones that are exposed to the atmosphere. If Mario had only legs that were bones, he would be on his hands also.

CJ Lambert: Despite the fact that he has tons of training in a lot of areas.

Zack Koopa: You can't train against gravity.

Michael Tarver: Are you related to the Matter Mouths?

Zack Koopa: Well... uh... That's a good question... Gee... I don't know.

Michael Tarver: Give me info! TARVER TUCK!

(Michael Tarver bodyslams Zack Koopa, who puts himself back together.)

Zack Koopa: Uh... They're a disabled new generation of Dry Bones. Unless they can somehow reproduce, Dry Bones are now an endangered species.

Michael Tarver: Man... Harsh.

Zack Koopa: Says the guy who just bodyslammed one!

Michael Tarver: Why don't you have some law against people who attack you then?

Zack Koopa: We probably wouldn't be able to attack people. And that would cut hundreds of Dry Bones from Bowser's Army.

Michael Tarver: And I thought the unemployment on Earth was bad.

CJ Lambert: Why is it that the Dry Bones in the other galaxies of Super Mario Galaxy are more aggressive than they are here?

Zack Koopa: Because the lack of gravity and the general atmosphere changes their moods.

CJ Lambert: So basically the other planets’ atmosphere makes them react badly?

Zack Koopa: Yup. Although that might seem like a weak answer, Dry Bones are simple.

CJ Lambert: Do you mean simple like in slow?

Zack Koopa: No. We are actually very intelligent off the battlefield.

CJ Lambert: Then why doesn't Bowser have you come up with strategies?

Zack Koopa: Because that would mean switching us with the Magikoopas, who are less durable then us.

Michael Tarver: I don't know…

(Michael Tarver takes out another bone, Zack Koopa falls apart.)

Michael Tarver: You guys don't look really durable either.

(Zack Koopa puts himself together,)

Zack Koopa: Stop that! It wasn't funny before, and it's not funny now!

Michael Tarver: Sorry... Hey, wait. I've seen Dull Bones throw bones before. Explain that!

Zack Koopa: Have you ever noticed that Dull Bones are where bones usually are? It's the graphics of the GameCube that made it look like they were throwing their bones.

CJ Lambert: So it is a glitch that makes it look like they are throwing their bones.

Zack Koopa: Yup! They just pick up random bones from the ground to throw at Mario. They do not throw their own bones.

CJ Lambert: What happens if they pick up bones of a Dull Bones that falls apart?

Zack Koopa: Then it will take longer for that Dull Bones to regenerate. It just looks fast because time speeds up when Mario leaves the area.

CJ Lambert: You have just got to love video game logic.

Michael Tarver: What about the team in the Glitz Pit?

Zack Koopa: What ABOUT the team in the Glitz Pit?

Michael Tarver: There's no bones there.

Zack Koopa: That's simple! They use the spare ones that Jolene gave them.

CJ Lambert: I think they use inventory like they do in Animal Crossing. I love videogames.

Zack Koopa: I wish we had more videogames in Diamond City.

Michael Tarver: Why?

Zack Koopa: Well Wario's the big "Microgame" guy in Diamond City. The only actual videogames we can get are from "Games Ahoy!”, that weird gift shop, and anything made by Warioware.

Michael Tarver: Any of the ones made by Nintendo?

Zack Koopa: Are you kidding? They're ALL Nintendo Games!

Michael Tarver: HA! You can't play awesome games like *Insert your favorite Non-Nintendo Game that you can only buy on a Non-Nintendo Product here*!

CJ Lambert: I don't know why anybody would want video games created by Wario. I've played some.

Zack Koopa: And how are they then?

CJ Lambert: Overpriced and not very good quality.

Zack Koopa: Well they’re are the only video games that I can get my hands on.

CJ Lambert: I know of some good underground taverns where you can get better games.

(Michael Tarver starts making slashing motions across his throat.)

CJ Lambert: What?

(Max the Thwomp lands on CJ Lambert. He's also a member of Badyoyo's staff)

Max: OOR!

CJ Lambert: OW!

Michael Tarver: I should've mentioned that Badyoyo's a major fan of Wario.

(Badyoyo is seen next to a switch that can launch Max. He's glaring at CJ Lambert.)

Badyoyo: Michael-

Michael Tarver: -Tarver.

Badyoyo: ... Michael Tarver. Don't you think it's time for the audience to ask questions?

Michael Tarver: Sure, whatever.

Badyoyo: Max, get off the interviewer.

(Max gets off of CJ Lambert.)

Michael Tarver: You first.

CJ Lambert: You didn't need to do that. I just say it like it is. Anyway, you, the Whomp in the back.

Whomp: How come in Paper Mario, Dry Bones are weak against fire?

Zack Koopa: Because we are made of paper in there, and paper burns fire to soot. Duh!

CJ Lambert: It’s simple physics, really. Just like fire burns bugs and ice.

CJ Lambert is seen cleaning his flamethrower.

Zack Koopa: Where did you get that?

CJ Lambert: EBay. You can get anything on Ebay.

(CJ Lambert accidentally presses a trigger and blasts Badyoyo with fire.)

CJ Lambert: ... Did I do that?

Zack Koopa: Yes. Yes you did.

Badyoyo: I'm glad I'm a ghost and stuff like that doesn't harm me.

(A Hammer hits Badyoyo on the head,)

Badyoyo: OW!

Amazing Flying Hammer Bro: Sorry.

Badyoyo: (mumbling) Stupid Mario Bros. 3 physics…

Michael Tarver: Anyway, you, that random guy who doesn't look like he wants to be here at all!

Bashful: Me? ... Uh... (Gosh, this is embarrassing, I don't even have a question) ... Why are you guys white, but in SMB3 you were grey?

Zack Koopa: That? Oh, it's a good and evil thing. In SMB3 Bowser fried innocent Koopa Troopas so their kindess made them grey. While in SMW Bowser had a bunch of fried Koopas to spare. So he used them, that's why most of us are white.

Amazing Flying Hammer Bro: When am I gonna get my check?

CJ Lambert: When I get around to IT!

Zack Koopa: You hired him?

CJ Lambert: I just love having backup plans.

Michael Tarver: I forgot to mention, CJ's also an assassin working for... IT.

Badyoyo: (rubbing head) IT?

Michael Tarver: Yeah, IT, "International Terrors"... Actually it's just a group of Stephen King villains that meet every Monday Night. Their members include Two Langoliers, IT the spider clown thing, that writer from The Shining... and of course CJ Lambert.

CJ Lambert: How did you figure this out?

Michael Tarver: This Bandit gave me a memo that he stole from you.

( A bandit snickers and runs off)

Badyoyo: Why do we seem to get the weirdoes to co-host this show?

CJ Lambert: Oh, some guys working for Wario are next on my list.

(Suddenly an explosion is heard.)

Zack Koopa: Now I'm really scared.

CJ Lambert: Don't be scared! I like you!

Zack Koopa: Really?

CJ Lambert: Yeah! I only hurt people that hurt me or my friends.

Badyoyo: I will refrain from making any Ike jokes.

Michael Tarver: Anyway, you! Guy who's asleep!


Zack Koopa: Dodgeball, definitely. I loved smashing other Koopas’ faces in.

Michael Tarver: You understood that?

Zack Koopa: Totally, if you die in a haunted place, like the haunted fortress I was guarding. Boos can help you learn how to enter people’s dreams. Did you know Jawfuls think in their dreams?

Badyoyo: Huh, strange.

Zack Koopa: The downside is, if you're a Dry Bones, it feels like you just got punched in the gut. Unlike for Boos, who have no gut.

CJ Lambert: And it just so happens that I have a dodgeball right here!

Zack Koopa: Ooh! Let me see!

CJ Lambert: Knock somebody out.

Zack Koopa: Don't mind if I do!

CJ Lambert: This should be fun.

(Zack Koopa throws the dodgeball at Jawful.)

CJ Lambert: Next question: You, the Shy Guy in the middle seat.

Shy Guy: Do Dry Bones have to eat?

Zack Koopa: We don't have any taste buds since they rotted out, but we do eat food to get energy. We would survive otherwise, just be really tired all of the time.

(Badyoyo checks his watch.)

Badyoyo: Look like it's that time of the day again, bring out the...

Michael Tarver: WHEEL!

N. Gin: OF!

Max: PAIN!

(Tikimon spins the wheel and it lands on...)

Badyoyo: Get beat up by two angry people working for Wario.

Lakione: Who labels the slots on this wheel?

Lakitwo: Maybe I should beat you up and become a wrestling heel.

(A burned up Dribble and Spitz march into the interview room.)

Dribble: All right! Who's the wise guy who blew up our taxi?!

Badyoyo: He did!

(Badyoyo points to Zack Koopa.)

Zack Koopa: So what? You can't hurt me! I'm already dead!

Spitz: Hey! Aren't you Zack Koopa?

Zack Koopa: The one and only.

Dribble: I love your show!

Zack Koopa: Thank you. By the way, that guy blew up your taxi.

( He point to CJ Lambert)

Dribble: WHAT?! I'll get you!

Spitz: I'll join you!

Zack Koopa: And I'll get you for blaming me!

(Dribble and Spitz start charging toward CJ Lambert, while Zack Koopa grabs a hammer and starts charging toward Badyoyo. Badyoyo pulls out his wand.)

Badyoyo: Tenacious B! We require our teamwork to win this battle! ... COME FORTH!

(5 Lightning Bolts surround Badyoyo. Birby and ETFROXX emerge from them. Three "Out to Lunch" signs are also around.)

Badyoyo: (For the love of!) Birby! Help me with Zack! ETF! Help CJ!

(Zack Koopa comes charging, and Birby takes out his hammer and smashes him to pieces. He smashes the head for good measure.)


(ETFROXX, being skilled in Karate, kicks Dribble in the jaw, knocking him out. Spitz is still charging. CJ Lambert pulls out his flamethrower and burns Spitz to a crisp.)

Badyoyo: Good job, guys! We sure showed them!

CJ Lambert: Yeah, you guys were pretty good. (I had the coolest performance though.)

Badyoyo: You really impressed us with that flamethrower though.

CJ Lambert: (Finally, they notice.) Yep.

Badyoyo: Say, how would you like to join Tenacious B? You can add IT to the team as well.

CJ Lambert: (I still need to kill Badyoyo, I'll have to find a way somehow. So working on his team to find a way to kill the ghost is the perfect way to get him! ... Also that ETF girl is kind of cute, and tough. I like that in a girl.) I accept.

Badyoyo: Good.

Badyoyo and CJ Lambert shake hands.

(End Transmission)[/spoiler]
Last edited by Badyoyo on Sun Jul 17, 2011 4:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 7:40 pm
Location: Tenacious B Studios

Re: Tenacious B Interviews

Postby Badyoyo » Sun Jul 17, 2011 5:25 am

Here is another episode, The Big D appears in this one. He goes by his former name (The King DeDeDe)
Here's his interview crew. (Meta Knight, Waddle Dee, Ripper Roo, Tikimon. (I traded him for Shaboo))


By badyoyo and King DeDeDe
(Badyoyo and N. Gin are seen walking through a dark forest, Badyoyo is trying to make sense of the map)

Badyoyo: This is the absolute LAST time I let you be the navigator, N. Gin. It's getting dark and I can't tell up from down on this map.

N. Gin: It isn't my fault. I just drew the map.

Badyoyo: ... N. Gin, I swear to God

(Suddenly the ground opens up. Badyoyo and N. Gin fall down into a dark abyss.)

Badyoyo and N. Gin: AAAAAAAAAAH!

(Thump! Badyoyo and N. Gin land on a bed. They look around to see where they are. They appear to be in the inner sanctum of a castle.)

Badyoyo: Where are we?

N. Gin: Why are you asking me?

Badyoyo: Because you're the only one I can actually ask without talking to myself.

(Suddenly some laughter is heard from behind a door, Badyoyo takes out his wand. The door opens.)

???: So, who dares to try to invade my castle?!

(??? is King Dedede.)

Dedede: You two are just in time!

Badyoyo: Just in time for what?

N. Gin: Haven't you figured this stuff out yet? He wants to interview with you!

(King DeDeDe nods.)

N. Gin: See? I haven't even been the leader of an interview and I can figure this stuff out quicker than you can.

Badyoyo: … All right, I've been in creepier situations. Who do you want to interview?

(King DeDeDe pulls out his hammer and smashes the wall, revealing a jail cell with Ludwig in it.)

Ludwig: Let me out, you cretins!

King Dedede: No! Nobody gets away with eating the king's chocolate!

Ludwig: It was only a nibble...

King Dedede: Be quiet, or I'll set 'him' loose!

(He points to Ripper Roo.)

Ripper Roo: WAHAHAHA! (I didn't steal your copy of Dead Rising!)

King Dedede: Shut up! Anyway, how did you guys get here? I put Meta Knight on guard duty!

N. Gin: We sort of-

Badyoyo: Don't even think of using the "We just dropped in" joke.

N. Gin: All right... We fell through a trap door.

King DeDeDe: I never allowed a trap door on my property.

Ripper Roo: Wahaahahahaha! (Sorry sir, I meant to place Nitro Crates at the end of the tunnel, but I never got around to it.)

King Dedede: Right... Remind me to reduce your paycheck.

Ripper Roo: ...

King Dedede: So, are you in, Badyoyo?

Ludwig: Please, help me!

(Ripper Roo takes his pills...)

Dr Roo: No. Not until we interview you!

Ludwig: That'll take ages!

Dr Roo: Who cares? It's not my decision to let you out anyway!

King Dedede: Well...

Badyoyo: Let the kid go, we'll do it.

(King DeDeDe unlocks the door to Ludwig's cell.)

Sometime later...

(Badyoyo and King DeDeDe are standing on a stage and Ludwig's sitting in the interview chair.)

Badyoyo: Welcome to DeDeDe interviews. Today we will interview Ludwig... Question one. Who are you?

Ludwig: What kind of horrible question is that? I am Ludwig, Prince of the Koopa Troop, owner of the second largest doomship fleet in King Dad's army!

King Dedede: Then who has the biggest doomship, other than Bowser?

Ludwig: I do believe it's Bowser Jr.

King Dedede: THAT squirt?! Unbelievable! How come you and your siblings have to obey HIM?

Ludwig: Well, he's Bowser's main son, which means that if we don't obey him, we aren't obeying Bowser.

King Dedede: Creepy

Badyoyo: How did Bowser Jr. come into existence?

Ludwig: Mutation. I wanted to create a living clone of King Dad, personality and everything. However, some sort of virus entered the embryo and made it turn into Bowser Jr. He also seems to have the mutation of dwarfism. He's going to stay short forever and never mature. Unlike me, who got this lovely new adult voice as heard in New Super Mario Bros Wii.

Badyoyo: Why are you addicted to chocolate?

Ludwig: That fan fiction of my first chocolate is fairly accurate. It did give me the needed power to create more inventions. However as I got older, the good things that came from it suddenly disappeared. But now I'm addicted to it... I wish I wasn't.

(Ludwig pulls a Hershey bar out of his hair. He tries to resist it, but gives in. He unwraps it and eats it.)

Waddle Dee: I've got a question! In NSMBWII, why did you do flutter jumps, and in SMW why did you do backflips?

Ludwig: In NSMBWII, I lost weight and decided to learn the flutter jump off Karma! And in SMW, I learned how to do a backflip from Kamek. But I took it a bit further.

King Dedede: I've been dieing to know this! How did you make your airship shake in SMB3? Did you put on weight?

Ludwig: You're one to talk! But no, I didn't. I learned from Roy how to do it!

King Dedede: Oh really?

(Suddenly they hear some commotion from backstage.)

Karma: Get out of my way, you freaks! ... Ludwig! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!

N. Gin: Hey! You're the one who walked into the Interview without permission!

Waddle Dee: Yeah, you need our permission. Because we're the Interview Snakes, And We Rule!

Ludwig: What's going on?

Dr. Roo: This girl is trying to get into the interview studio. Now she wants to call us freaks.... and Waddle Dee wants to turn us into a gang now. Anyway she won't leave, we can't come up with any good insults either.

Ludwig: Perhaps I can be of assistance; she's very sensitive about her weight.

(Suddenly a devil face appears in the upper left hand corner of the screen.)


Karma: You most certainly did!

(Karma marches out of the studio.)

N. Gin: See ya Fatso!

Ludwig: ... Anyway, where were we?

Badyoyo: ... Why did you do that?

Ludwig: I didn't want her to make a scene. So I took her out of my life.

King Dedede: Wow. That...

Waddle Dee: ...was harsh.

Ludwig: Well, this interview needs to end, doesn't it?

Dr Roo: Can we continue now?

King Dedede: Yes. What inventions have you made that are useful or somewhat needed?

Ludwig: I've made lots... but Megaleg was indeed useful!

King Dedede: How long does it take you to make an invention?

Ludwig: It takes me a week or so. Really depends on the situation.

Badyoyo: How are you able to breathe fire, unlike a good lot of your siblings?

Ludwig: We Koopas work like humans in a way. We have our own gene pool. In that gene pool is the ability to breathe fire by use of a flame pipe. It's rather recessive though. My mother is a heterozygous on the matter, while my father is a homozygous for the fire breathing gene. It's basically a coin flip for every child they have. It just so happens the coins has landed for fire breathing 2 out of 8 times.

Badyoyo: How did your father join the Sub-space army in Super Smash Bros. Brawl, and where were you at the time?

Ludwig: King Dad was asked to join the army after a man Tabuu requested in advance. He told all of his children and his wife to stay behind because this was a battle too sinister for us to fight. So we just stayed home and waited for him to return. He came back with a hatred for some man named "Ganondork" though.

Badyoyo: Why does your father always help Mario in the Olympics? He hates Mario.

Ludwig: He never said, he did take out a punching bag of some black hedgehog though. Roy questioned him once. King Dad said something about "Chaos Control" ruining a battle he had.

King Dedede: Did you and your siblings have some way of getting involved in SMG? Because I've heard rumors...

Ludwig: Yes! Each of us had at least one role in the game.

King Dedede: What was your role in the game?

Ludwig: I created Megaleg and remade Bowser's Castle for SMG. It took 3 years to get it all done, just so it could be destroyed... It's not fair!

King Dedede: Is it time for audience questions, Badyoyo?

Badyoyo: Not yet… Ludwig... As you know your father isn't exactly... the brightest bulb in the house.

Ludwig: Go ahead and say it. He's not here anyway!

Badyoyo: Oh forget it. How did you get so smart? Even though your inventions fail, you're rather smart.

Ludwig: Well that's simple. My mother homeschooled me since I was born. However as other Koopalings came into existence, she began giving fewer and fewer tutoring sessions. This led people like Iggy to go rather insane, Roy to be a brute, Wendy to be a brat, Morton to be a narcissistic talker, and Larry... well he was smart enough to learn the ways of the world from Lemmy and, instead of my mother

Badyoyo: Why did you only educate Larry and not the others?

Ludwig: Well, Roy was too rough and fell asleep every time I attempted to teach him something that wasn't about Physical Education or Anatomy. Iggy was just too happy to be with Lemmy. Wendy always showed up an hour late to her 50-minute long classes... and we've yet to try to educate Morton. Maybe he has potential... Anyway; Larry was the only one of my siblings to sit through all 12 classes I gave him AND actually do his homework.

King Dedede: That's sad.

Ludwig: What's sad?

King Dedede: Doing homework.

Ludwig: I have to agree with you. Why would somebody do that?

King Dedede: To have a life.

Ludwig: You don't have one!

King Dedede: ... You're toast after this Interview!

Ludwig: EEP!

King Dedede: Audience questions! Seat 13!

Koops: Did you make the doomships in SMB3?

Ludwig: Yes, but with the help of some minions.

Dr-Roo: Seat 35!

Bowser: Why is your hair like that?

Ludwig: Why are YOU asking? You know that you styled my hair. You made a permanent style to each Koopaling's hair based on their first year of life. You saw I was very technology driven, so you made my hair all crazy and scientific. However, you also made it like Ludwig Van Beethoven's.

Badyoyo: Seat-

King DeDeDe: We're done with this Interview.

Badyoyo: What? Hey!

(King DeDeDe pulls out his mallet and walks toward Ludwig.)

Badyoyo: HEY! Wait! We still have to do the WHEEL!

N. Gin: OF!

Badyoyo: PAIN!

(Tikimon and The Wheel pop out of the ground. He spins it, the wheel lands on...)

Badyoyo: Have Tikimon be transferred to DeDeDe Interviews and smash Ludwig. Ouch!

(Tikimon smashes Ludwig with his giant fists.)

Badyoyo: Now King DeDeDe, unless you have some Interview tradition, we'll be leaving.

King DeDeDe: Oh, but I DO! Ripper ROO!

Dr Roo: Do you admit to a greater evil?

Ludwig: Yes...

Dr Roo: LIES!

Audience: PIES!

Dr Roo: ... Meh.

King Dedede: Do you know that Ludwig denied your question before the show?

(Dr Roo transforms into Ripper Roo and blows up half the studio and N.Gin.)

King Dedede: ... And now it's time for...

Badyoyo: -for us to leave.

(Badyoyo begins dragging a tired N. Gin out of the building.)

King DeDeDe: Wait! I still haven't given you a replacement for Tikimon! Bring her out!

(A gate opens up, an African American Woman holding a spear comes out. She's wearing earrings and a purple tank top. She would look perfectly normal except for the fact that her legs are A WHITE TIGER!)

African American: Hello sir.

King DeDeDe: First, let's get the elephant out of the room.

(Tikimon throws an elephant out of the interview studio.)

King DeDeDe: Now, why are you fused to a tiger?

African American: My tiger is the first tiger ever successfully cloned. However, bits of human flesh got caught in the cloning process. Those bits turned into me. So now I go through life fused to a tiger. We work very well as a team though.

(The tiger eats up Waddle Dee.)

King DeDeDe: Thank God, people like him are plentiful.

Badyoyo: Impressive, what's your name?

African American: I am "Shaboo, The Queen of Pain".

(Badyoyo gives off a chuckle.)

Shaboo: Is something funny?

Badyoyo: Oh nothing... It's just that, you can't be the Queen of Pain. Because I am the KING of Pain.

(Badyoyo opens a curtain, sunlight pours into the room.)

Badyoyo: You see, there's a little black spot on the Sun today. It's the same old thing as yesterday!

(King DeDeDe whacks Badyoyo with his hammer, knocking him out.)

King DeDeDe: Gotta love Super Mario Bros. 3 physics... Well, that's all the time we have for today, folks. See you next time on DeDeDe Interviews!

(Tikimon turns off the camera by smashing it.)
User avatar
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 7:40 pm
Location: Tenacious B Studios

Re: Tenacious B Interviews

Postby Badyoyo » Mon Jul 18, 2011 8:45 pm

Here is co-founder Birby in his pure Tenacious B interview.


By Tenacious B
CJ Lambert: Welcome to Tenacious B interviews! I'm CJ Lambert, and I was NOT just out trolling for babes!

(The audience cheers out loud. Badyoyo and ETFROXX are watching from a control booth)

Badyoyo: What did he say?

ETFROXX: I have no idea, he seems to start his Interviews off that way.

CJ Lambert: Anyway, this is my second Interview, but don't despair, because I have a super-cool co-host!

(CJ Lambert grins as the camera pans out)

CJ Lambert: Anyway, here to introduce our interviewee, please give a warm welcome to Birby6!

(The audience goes wild, while the camera Lakitu shows two big slap-marks on CJ's face.)

CJ Lambert: I told you not to use that shot!

Lakitu: *sarcastically* Whoops. I am so sorry.

(CJ Lambert sets the Lakitu on fire with his flamethrower. Birby6 comes in dragging the Eyeless Goomba by a leash.)

Birby6: I'm pretty sure that flaming is illegal in parts of Plit.

CJ Lambert: Doesn't matter to me! By the way, why are you dragging that Goomba by a leash?

Birby6: I beat this Goomba in a game of poker last night. He bet to be my slave for a couple weeks, and he lost.

Eyeless Goomba: Why me?!

Birby6: Hey, I’m not the one who thought a pair of twos could beat a Royal Flush. So who are we interviewing?

CJ Lambert: Piranha Plant.

(The Piranha Plants rises from the floor and looks at the Eyeless Goomba hungrily.)

CJ Lambert: Hey! No eating the mindless slaves!

Eyeless Goomba: I'm not that mindless, you know!

CJ Lambert: Do you want to go down its gullet?

Eyeless Goomba: *gulp* No sir.

CJ Lambert: Then shut up.

Piranha Plant: Awwww. I'm hungry.

CJ Lambert: You shut up too, before I dump weed killer down your throat.

Piranha Plant: Eep! Ok then!

CJ Lambert: You go first, Birby.

Birby6: First question, why are you mostly in pipes? You're the only enemy that does this.

Piranha Plant: Basically, we don't like to show our undersides. Most of us plant our roots in these pipes, preventing us from going to another.

Birby6: What about the others, like the Ptooie Piranha?

Piranha Plant: I said MOST of us plant our roots in the pipes, not all of them. The ones with moving feet don't care about showing them, and Petey Piranha is the perfect example.

(Birby6 hears some noise behind him, and sees the Eyeless Goomba trying to bite through the leash.)

Birby6: If you chew through that leash, I'll feed you to this Piranha Plant!

(The Eyeless Goomba hears this and stops chewing.)

CJ Lambert: How is it that some of you can breathe fire?

Piranha Plant: Because some of us can transfer some of the energy and utilize it into fire.

CJ Lambert: May I see a demonstration?

Piranha Plant: Sure!

(The Piranha Plant plants his roots, huffs and puffs, and blasts fire at an audience member wearing a nametag saying “Hi I’m Tyler”)

Tyler: Wow, that fortune teller was right. My life DID go up in smoke today.

(Tyler disintegrates into a pile of ash. Wario takes the empty seat.)

Wario: I LOVE free stuff!

CJ Lambert: You think I'll have to pay for that guy’s hospital bills?

Birby6: Nope. Just get on the Eyeless Goomba's bank account, because I own it now!

Eyeless Goomba: How did you find out my password?

Birby6: “Supercrip”? It was so obvious.

Eyeless Goomba: AAAARGHH!

Birby6: By the way, are we doing audience questions?

CJ Lambert: Let’s just ask a couple of more questions.

Piranha Plant: Ok then! Hit Me!

CJ Lambert: Trust me, you do not want me to hit you.

Piranha Plant: Fair enough. Let’s get down to business.

Birby6: TO DEFEAT! ... THE HUNS!

(Badyoyo throws a hammer at Birby6.)

Birby6: OW!

Badyoyo: Continue with the Interview, and don’t make more jokes like that.

Birby6: All right, all right.

CJ Lambert: How come some of you are red, and some of you are green?

Piranha Plant: Because it depends if the area we are in has more shade. The shadier the area, the more green we'll turn. But it doesn't work with pipes because we'll still get sun.

CJ Lambert: How come your fire breathing ability has all but diminished?

Piranha Plant: Because we found out that over time, it erodes our innards.

CJ Lambert: How come whenever the Mario Bros. are on a pipe, you don't emerge?

Piranha Plant: Because nobody wants to take a bite of Mario’s lower half. Have you seen the bottom of his shoes? UGH!

Birby6: By the way, how can Elasto Piranhas stretch farther than any other Piranha Plant species?

Piranha Plant: Those plants have stems that are very similar to rubber, and as everyone knows, rubber can stretch quite far.

Birby6: Now I know how rubberbands are made in the Mushroom Kingdom.

Piranha Plant: Can I eat that eyeless Goomba now? I'm starving!

Birby6: Once this show is done, you can chew on him as much as you want.

Eyeless Goomba: WHAT?!

Birby6: Shut up, slave.

CJ Lambert: Ooh! I got to establish an alibi then! Ok. It’s time for audience questions…You! The hot-hot-hottie in the back.

(CJ Lambert grins and is hit in the face with a baseball.)

CJ Lambert: Owww!

Baseball Boy: That’s my girlfriend you’re talking to!

Female Spindrift: Creep! Anyway, how come some Piranha Plants can talk but others can't?

Piranha Plant: Because some of us live near civilization and can learn speech.

CJ Lambert: The dorky Bumpty in the back row.

Bumpty: I take offence to that! Anyway, how come you can pop out of upside-down pipes?

Piranha Plant: Because we can implant our roots into the pipe. We have tougher roots than you think.

CJ Lambert: The Rex in the middle row.

Rex: How can the Mario Bros. go down a pipe with you guys in it without being injured?

Piranha Plant: Because the vertical pipes are connected to horizontal pipes, which we will hide in if the Mario Bros are coming.

Birby6: Since the Great Wario has entered our building, how about he ask a question?

Wario: Sure, why don’t you guys just attack Mario and Luigi on their way down?

Piranha Plant: … You know, that never occurred to us that we could do that… Well we’re certainly going to make the next Super Mario Bros. game difficult.

CJ Lambert: Hey Birby, do you have any questions?

Birby6: I have one. How are you related to Petey Piranha?

Piranha Plant: Well, besides the fact that we're the same species, he's basically our glorious leader. Why do you think we appear around him in Bianco Hills?

Birby6: So you can munch on some Strollin’ Stus?

Piranha Plant: Ummm... NO!

(It spits out a fireball at birby6, but birby6 hides behind the Eyeless Goomba, charring him instead.)

Eyeless Goomba: HEY! I was only supposed to be your slave, not a shield!

Birby6: Well, as my slave, I can do whatever I want with you!

(The Eyeless Goomba grunts in a low tone.)

CJ Lambert: So then, does anybody else have any questions?

Piranha Plant: I have one! Do you have any BBQ sauce?

CJ Lambert: Zesty Ranch or Jalapeno?

Piranha Plant: Which does that blind Goomba taste better in?

CJ Lambert: Well before we find out, Birby, do you have anything in closing?

Birby6: Just one. I suggest using ketchup, since every piece of food today uses it.

CJ Lambert: I don’t carry that with me.

Eyeless Goomba: He carries around BBQ sauce AND a flamethrower. But NOT ketchup?!

CJ Lambert: Jalapeno is close to ketchup though.

(CJ Lambert pours Jalapeno on the eyeless Goomba, Birby6 cuts the Eyeless Goomba's leash.)

Birby6: You got ten seconds.

(The Eyeless Goomba starts running away as fast as possible. However…)

Birby6: Oops, we’re doing this right on a time change line. Your ten seconds ended ten seconds ago.

(The Piranha Plant gets out of the ground and starts chasing after the Eyeless Goomba.)

CJ Lambert: Well then, I guess that is all that we can do here. Join us next time, when I try to find a law saying that Birby did not just commit murder! See you!
User avatar
Posts: 16
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 7:40 pm
Location: Tenacious B Studios

Return to Writing

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest